I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hippo gnu deer
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
