He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
