If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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