theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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