Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We just shotgunned beers for America
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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