I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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