ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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