We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
