I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
