dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
