the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
