I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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