i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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