What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
