how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
