you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
