My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
God I need to hump something, right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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