So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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