Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
