I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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