After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
