No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
