dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
