you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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