If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
