I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
