and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
