If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
