Just fell off a train. Bad.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
