Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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