just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
