he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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