Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
