He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
