Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
