I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
