So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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