Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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