Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
