Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize