They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize