If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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