I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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