you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
