Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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