On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
