No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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