The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
