very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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