I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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