Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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