either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
