Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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