And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
