That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When did angry sex become our thing?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You are a genius and a whore.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
