craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
