take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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