I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I love you.
Bad choice
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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